If you grew up in the 80s you would be able
to relate to the familiar sight of plastic shopping bags tucked away under the
mattress, the old radio or television that still hung around the house despite
functioning sub optimally, the geometry box that was a hand-me-down from your
older sibling, empty milk packets drying in the kitchen to be accumulated and
sold with old newspapers, old clothes that were cut up to make foot mats or a
wash cloth, an array of vendors who ‘fixed’ things for your family – whether it
was a torn garment, a broken bag zip, an electronic device or a cooking
utensil. Repair, re-use, and recycle were the operative words during those
times. There was a value associated with everything, literally everything. So
what if it was broken!
We extended the same attitude towards our
relationships. Severing ties with anyone was not easy or considered appropriate
given the culture of those times – whether it was a friend or one’s spouse.
Social relationships almost promised an unsaid life-long commitment – unless
someone moved cities (which itself was rare during those days). Social
relationships were meant to bring a sense of wellbeing, harmony and spontaneity
when we did not have too many other entertainment options. Don’t get me wrong,
I don’t mean to sound flippant or naïve to think people lived a utopian life.
Of course we witnessed differences and fights too. Though the mechanism to mend
the differences or at least tolerate and get along was somewhere built into a society
that emphasised repair, reuse and re-cycle. Relationships signified longevity
and trust. Relationships served a social
purpose hence one often heard of the extended family or community meddling into
private affairs in an attempt to keep things cohesive.
A lot has changed between then and now.
There has been a societal shift from a collectivistic mode to an
individualistic mode of thinking and behaving. Individualistic societies thrive
on the expression of independence, boldness, self-gratification, power drive,
leadership etc. Choice, freedom and
opportunity have become buzzwords now and in keeping with times relationships
also flaunt a utilitarian garb. Where Bollywood icons Mr Bachhan and Dharamji
epitomized the old code when they sang ‘yeh dosti hum nahin todenge…todenge dum
magar tera saath na chodenge, (we will hold on to this friendship in this life
and the next) Airtel’s relaunch campaign ‘har ek friend zaroori hota hai’ (every
friend is important) is reflective of the new code of friendship we nurture in
modern times. Though the overt message is about friendship, the subtext
suggests segmenting the people we know and hence the emotions surrounding
friendship too, into different buckets each serving its own purpose.
Social relationships today have become
ordinary and universal. We want no strings attached. We want to dip in and out of
social interactions at will. Social relationships nowadays begin very quickly
and end very casually. We have travelled a full 180 degrees from when
separation and break-ups were social taboos to a time when it has not just
become acceptable but infact something to be celebrated. Don’t believe me?
Listen once more to Anuskha Sharma crooning in a discotheque about breaking up
with her saiyyanij.
What modernity has given us is freedom and
unrestricted fluidity. Today we can be friends with whomever we want, however
we want and for as long as we want. Earlier there were a handful of people who
we could count as friends, today we have 200 of them and thanks to apps like
Facebook and Whatsapp we can actually stay in touch with all 200 and call them
and ask a favour when the need arises.
The older residual code reflected a clear
demarcation between how we conceived work and social life: work was associated
with utility and relationships meant social cohesion. Today the boundaries
between the two are merging. In an unsaid way we have begun to evaluate our social
relationships also with their use value.
The culture of ‘use and throw’ has replaced ‘repair and preserve’ not just in the
way we consume things but also with how we treat people.
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