First-Time Buyers & Middle-Class Dreams: A Qualitative Glimpse into Aspirational India

In early 2021, Sneha Sharma from Delhi decided to finally take the leap and buy her first electric car. She had carefully compared options online, read reviews, and visited showrooms. But when she got the vehicle home, uncertainty hit like a thunderbolt.

“Where do I charge this thing if I run out of battery on the highway? What if the app stops working mid-journey?” she fretted. She opened her phone and Googled “nearest EV charging station in Delhi NCR.” The results were anything but reassuring—half the stations listed were either under maintenance or located in sketchy, inaccessible areas.

Despite its futuristic promise, the electric vehicle brand she trusted had left a glaring gap: no clear or reliable infrastructure to support her new lifestyle. What was supposed to be a bold step toward the future became a stressful experiment fraught with uncertainty.

But Sneha wasn't alone in her encounter with ambiguity. Around the same time, Ramesh Patel, a father from Ahmedabad, found himself in a similar bind—but with his son's education. When schools went virtual during the pandemic, Ramesh received conflicting instructions on login times, assessment protocols, and learning schedules. One day, the school announced that final exams might be canceled—but then hinted at a last-minute reversal. "We were on edge for months," Ramesh said. "I had no clarity on how my son's academic year would be evaluated."

Whether it’s electric cars or education, Sneha’s and Ramesh’s experiences reflect a lesson many institutions overlook—uncertainty is a psychological stressor that drives people away.

Uncertainty as a Psychological Stress Factor

Psychology 101 teaches us that uncertainty triggers anxiety. The human brain craves predictability, even in the smallest interactions. When brands and schools introduce ambiguity—whether in pricing, scheduling, or evaluation methods—they inadvertently create a negative experience.

The COVID-19 pandemic made this lesson painfully real. As lockdowns swept across the globe, search queries spiked for “is online school effective,” “how will CBSE exams be conducted,” and “is it safe to send kids back to school?” These searches highlight a simple truth: in moments of crisis, people seek clarity and reassurance above all else.

Smart schools recognised this and adapted. Some issued transparent guidelines for virtual classes and communicated exam policies early on. But many institutions missed the memo, leaving parents and students grappling with confusion.

What exacerbates this situation is that uncertainty which was earlier episodic is now woven into everyday life. From economic volatility and fluctuating interest rates to health concerns and unpredictable school schedules, people are constantly grappling with ambiguity. This socio-economic turbulence has raised the stakes for brands and service providers—people seek clarity as a refuge from chaos. People can’t afford to navigate services that add complexity to already uncertain lives.

The Brands That Understood the Assignment—and Those That Didn't

One game-changing factor was the rise of "certainty-first" product and service features.

Some brands responded wisely to this growing demand for certainty. Paytm, for instance, won over users by offering instant payment confirmations, transparent refund processes, and reliable error messages. Banking apps followed suit with real-time transaction updates and grocery delivery services added live order tracking. These seemingly minor adjustments tapped into a profound psychological need and earned loyalty.

On the other hand, airlines missed the mark spectacularly. During the pandemic, vague refund policies and shifting flight schedules left passengers helpless. Search queries for “how to get airline refund India” spiked by over 400%. This lack of transparency cost carriers customer trust that still hasn't fully recovered. 

The rise of uncertainty-driven searches during and after the pandemic underscores a universal truth: people gravitate toward organisations that provide clarity and reassurance.

The Illusion of Agility

However, not all brands learned the right lesson. Some repackaged uncertainty as agility and flexibility. Terms like "dynamic pricing," "real-time scheduling," and "adaptive assessment models" were euphemisms for erratic service.

Sneha Sharma wasn't interested in "dynamic charging solutions"—she simply wanted to know where to power her car. Ramesh Patel didn’t want "adaptive assessment models"—he wanted clarity on his son's academic future.

Consumers today don’t need agility; they need assurance. Product and service brands that recognise this truth and deliver certainty-first experiences will thrive in an unpredictable world. Certainty isn’t just a competitive advantage—it’s a fundamental human need.

And just like a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, uncertainty by any other name still creates turbulence in people’s lives.

#UncertaintyKills #AgilityOrChaos #ConsumerClarity #CertaintyFirst #BrandTrust #TransparencyMatters #StressFreeSolutions #ClearCommunication #TheCostOfUncertainty

Gendered Play in Indian Childhoods: A Qualitative Lens on Culture and Code

I was at the park today, chatting with a mom when she shared a moment that stuck with me. She told me about watching a group of little boys in action—a common game, one boy shouting, “Fight!” and just like that, the others went at it. She laughed and mused about her own son, K, and how when he gets older, she won’t stop him if he wants to join in those games. “Boys need to learn how to fight,” she said. “It’s the only way they’ll survive in this world.”

But then, she went further. She talked about how we raise girls to "hang out with the right people," to surround themselves with kids from “nice homes with nice values.” It hit me—she was equating survival with fitting into these rigid, gendered roles. Boys fight, girls stay safe, and both need these skills to thrive.
I didn’t tell her anything. I have realised over the years that such beliefs are more about conditioning than about how educated or not a person is. As a generation, we grew up surrounded by such narratives all around us in popular culture. 

I left that conversation with this thought —what if we flipped the script, just for one generation? 

Maybe it’s time to rethink what it truly means to grow up in today’s world. 

And while I looked for an image to add to this post, I only found images with men dressed as women and vice versa and there in lies another reason for why one has to think of this subject in a more nuanced way. Rethinking stereotypes is not merely changing costumes but thinking of how men can balance the yang and women their yin energy.

 #RethinkGenderRoles
#ReverseTheRules
#ChallengingNorms
#RedefineChildhood
#UnlearnConditioning
#FlipTheScript

'Ellare mane dose thuthu.’ (The dosa in every home has holes) - Culture, Identity, and Everyday Metaphors in Qualitative Research

 

I first encountered these words during a research interview when a mother, troubled by a conflict at home, shared a deeply personal situation with me. As a researcher, I’m given a unique and privileged lens into the lives of others: the way children are raised, the struggles parents face, and the challenges families navigate every day. It’s an invaluable perspective, one that’s helped me realize something profound—that the struggles we face at home often feel personal and isolating, as though we’re the only ones going through them. But when we hear others' stories, it becomes clear that these challenges are far more universal than we think. What initially feels like a private problem transforms into a shared experience.

This realization is a gift. It brings comfort and normalizes the messiness of life, particularly childhood. We begin to understand that these ups and downs—like the fighting, the tears, or the distance between children—are not isolated incidents. They are part of the human condition. Every second child is experiencing similar things. And more importantly, it’s not a reflection of something inherently wrong with our children—it’s simply because they are children, and other children are too. We, as parents and adults, are stressed, overburdened, and often caught in the crossfire of expectations—whether from our own parents or society.

So, I gently reassured the mother, who was clearly weighed down by her situation, that these struggles are not hers alone. They happen in homes across the world. The feelings of frustration, the emotional distance between children, the confusion and misunderstandings—it’s not just her child. It’s part of growing up, part of the parenting journey. And when I said this, it seemed to resonate with her. In that moment, she smiled and replied with words I’ll never forget: 'Ellare mane dose thuthu.'

Loosely translated, it means 'The dosa in every home has holes.' This simple phrase hit me like a quiet epiphany. It’s a powerful metaphor that I will always carry with me. In just a few words, she conveyed something profound about life, about childhood, and about imperfection. Those holes in the dosa—those little gaps and imperfections—aren’t something to be ashamed of or hidden away. In fact, they’re what make the dosa enjoyable.

Just like life, a dosa without holes would be flat, heavy, and dense. The holes—the pauses, the imperfections, the moments of tension—are what make it light, airy, and ultimately satisfying. They are the spaces we’re given to breathe, to reflect, to slow down, and to course-correct.

The phrase shows us that life is complete—notwithstanding the holes. Most importantly, it’s a reminder that if we focus too much on the holes, we may lose sight of enjoying the dosa.

#ParentingJourney #FamilyStruggles #ImperfectLife #UniversalChallenges #TheParentingReal #LifeWithKids #SharedExperience #ChildhoodImperfections #ParentingTruths #ParenthoodUnfiltered #LearningThroughStories #qualitativeresearchindia #qualitativeresearchstories

Town Mouse City Mouse

Last month en route to Goa, I spent an evening in Unkal. The contrast between the children I encountered in these two places was stark. 

Meandering through the town streets, I happened to enter a church. I expected it to be empty though was pleasantly surprised by a group of children old and young sincerely practising for their dance & skit performance. I asked them if I could sit and watch for a while. They were warm and welcoming. They made eye contact and smiled. 

We also had a brief conversation about what the kids were doing there late evening. I learnt they were part of the VBS (Vacation Bible Class). The church was a safe space for the kids to learn something useful and not fall into the wrong company. It made perfect sense. During my recent research conversations with mothers in Kanpur and Indore, almost all the moms I spoke to lamented about the lack of a safe space where their kids could hang out in the company of other children. The small townhouses open up on busy streets and that makes it not just physically unsafe but also exposes their children to language and behaviour that may not be age-appropriate. Hence most children stay indoors devoid of same-age company and free play. By contrast, the Unkal church kids spent their mornings and evenings at the church. The hot breakfast at church was a bonus. The church functioned like a community centre, welcoming even strangers like us. A few mothers were hanging out there too after their day's work. Posters made by the children, with empowering messages, adorned the walls. A whiteboard with the exact count of children across age groups who attended the VBS each day signalled to me that this was not a casual activity. 

The children (mostly 8-10-year-olds) were remarkably calm and less fidgety. The sincerity to learn something new was apparent on their faces. When their instructor asked them to observe her, I did not see their attention flitting here or there. They were all eyes on the instructor. “They are so distinctly different from us”, pointed my city mouse. “Many a time the city mice are constantly fidgeting, fiddling around with themselves or others and are easily distracted”. We explored why and came up with a hypothesis that this could be attributed to their lifestyle and environment that was not flooded with stimulation. We also observed a lot more independence and risk-taking in the town mice and their parents doing their own thing and not hovering around them. 

The next day at Goa was a completely different experience. There was a wedding to attend. My city mouse was looking for some same-age company. I assured her, going by my old memories of weddings that there would be lots of children to play with and even if we don't know them, they’ll end up befriending each other in no time. George Ball, an American diplomat, said “Nostalgia is a seductive liar”. Like a talented seductress, nostalgia will rope you in and cause you to lose sight of reality. And so it did. 99% of the children at the venue, irrespective of age had a personal digital device they were glued to. They hardly ate, ran, or even looked up and away from their screens. The adults around them chatted away amongst themselves. What was worse was even when these children were not with their devices they would not make eye contact with others or smile. Conversation with them was a distant dream. 

I wondered, how would they learn the art of making conversations that the town mice were so easily adept at. What would be the long-term effects of social ineptitude or a lowering attention span on their life, health and future? Is there a tipping point beyond which over-exposure does a disservice to a child rather than making him smart? In a generation growing up with devices, would simple skills like connecting with other humans, being able to read body language or sustaining conversations give someone an edge over the rest? 

I remember visiting Kashmir as an 8-year-old and another child on the bus journey between Srinagar and Jammu carrying a bagful of snow back home, only to realise somewhere along the way that it will eventually melt. As we crossed Unkal on our way back to Bangalore, I felt like that child who wanted to bag the simplicity, fewer choices and a more focused environment of the town and bring it back home as a gift for the city mouse who lives with me, though somewhere along the way, within a few days of having reached the city, that would all just melt or maybe I just needed a different metaphor - one that would last!

A big mess - what do children like about it?

Children have their own logic, their own sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair. It is fascinating to peek into their world. Mess is a child's best friend. I used to always wonder why. Then one day, I stopped wondering and asked a child and this is what emerged. LISTEN IN

Play! Play! Play !

Playtime is zealously guarded. Ask children to cut short their playtime by even five minutes and they would morph into master negotiators, number crunching the minutes and seconds they have been deprived of. The possibilities of what play brings to a child's world are infinite. Here are just a few. Listen in!

#demystifyingchildhood, #earlychildhood #earlychildhoodeducation

Monkey see - monkey do

What are the dots that connect the broken window theory, unique baby names and a 200-square-foot cafe on a high street in the city? Behavioural scientists called it the ‘social nudge.’ In common parlance it is described as monkey see - monkey do :)

There is a (relatively) new cafe on 12th Main, Indiranagar. It is unlike the regular cafes that seem mostly empty, with inviting interiors and where one can spend many hours just looking outside the window. 

Instead, this one has a crowd of people not less than 50, on weekends it could easily go up to 100 standing outside, jostling for space for their share of their morning idli. Whenever I passed by, I always wondered what is so special about their idli? Turns out, many others think like me. I had a neighbour who travelled 12 km one Sunday morning to unravel this mystery. She did not come back with any revealing insights. The idli was the same as any other. Many days later, I happened to make a pit spot there. I noticed the cafe operates from a space that was 200 sq. feet. They have a partially open kitchen and a cash till. So by default, anyone who is a customer is standing in the outside space. They save on high street rents and also pull the crowds by the sheer number of people crowded there. Because monkeys see - monkeys do. Their crowds spill over onto the 12th Main. I guess that must have prompted them to rent out the space occupied by Naturals next door. A win-win for both. One business gets space, the other gets footfalls. 

Coming back to the ‘social nudge’ - what makes it such an interesting idea is while it is powerful, to unravel the power of a social nudge to create a desirable outcome, one has to wade through the sticky terrain of social norms, before one can taste sweet success. In some cases, like for the cafe business owners it could have been happenstance. How do we create this intentionally?

Norms become hardwired and become like the holy cow that no one questions. They are right because everyone is following them and because everyone is following them, these ideas start to seem even more right. Is there a circuit breaker that we could use to initiate behaviour change?

There is a school of thought that believes if we dig deep and think hard, we will stumble upon that one disruptive thought that would somehow create a behaviour change. I am not from that school of that and hence I don't believe there is a secret sauce that will do the trick. What instinctively makes sense to me and what I have seen over and over again is that like the wheels of time, the wheels of change also turn slowly. 

Overnight changes do happen but those are triggered by disasters staring at us in the face. We all learnt to wash our hands and wear a mask. People still do, which reveals another aspect of behaviour - that once behaviour change takes on a certain momentum it is difficult to expect a sudden halt or reversal. 

So what can break a default thinking/doing pattern? I got this answer from a Potato Trader in Agra who shared his native business wisdom as part of the interview I did with him. Stay with me!

The business of trading in perishables is not for the faint-hearted. Fortunes are made and can get wiped out overnight. What set him apart from the rest was his mindset. He said, “If I suffer a loss of 2 lakhs today from my potato business, I will find a way of recovering the money from the same business.” It sounded over simplistic at first but when he explained how; it made complete sense. He was living the maxim problems and opportunities are two sides of the same coin.  

The potato-trader logic made me realise - If any aspect of social behaviour has got intensified due to norms, the way to initiate momentum in a new direction would also come from creating new social norms.

It cant be just information or a catchphrase that creates the shift. If that were the case we would all have coloured hair by now because we are all worth it! 

The social behaviour comes from a belief (not a fact) 

Fact: 90% of Brain Growth Happens Before Kindergarten. 

Belief: Brain = learning and learning = read/write/recite numbers and words

Behaviour: Making children read and write as early as 3

The fact points to the idea that at that age play and exploration contributes to brain development. But the mental model (how we make sense of the world) that is based on a bouquet of beliefs gets in the way.

Mental model: 

Some of the mental models around learning that we have internalised over the years 

1. Memory strengthens by retrieval. Retrieval only works if there is something to retrieve. This is why we need books, teachers and classes. 
2. Knowledge grows exponentially. How much you’re able to learn depends on what you already know. (If my child learns the alphabet and numbers before entering school, once he is there he will be able to build on this foundation)
3. Practice at a task makes you better at it. (Hence make the child do the same reading and writing again and again)
4. Success is the best teacher. We learn from success more than we do from failure (hence stick to the tried and tested and do not venture into unchartered territories) 

Unsurprisingly, despite so much information about brain development in early years linked to play, parents and even schools still make little children read and write. And while a large majority operate in auto-pilot mode, there are always cracks in everything and that is how the light gets in. The crack could be making an occasional change, testing the waters and building on that success. Or it could be thinking about the possibilities that fall between the two extremes. While dirt is generally associated with bad and clean is considered good, Surf decided to use ‘mother earth’ to make a point that there is something between the two extremes that straddles the two worlds of dirt and good. The cracks could come by accidents but the stories could be amplified for others to follow. 

In her talk on ‘The Secret Life of Social Norms’, Michele Gelfand points to an important truth. “culture is not destiny, harness norms that are getting loose and loosen up norms that are getting too tight. Humans invented norms to better their lives and we need to go back to that truth”. 

#socialnudge #behavioralscience #socialnorms #earlychildhoodeducation